A Long Distance Doula Experience By Ronda Rice
April 29th, 2010
For me, this story starts weeks ago. Iris (fictitious name), a song sister friend of mine came to Kaua’i for her annual visit and let some of us know that her niece, Micki was pregnant. She also intimated that hers was a family challenged. This led Iris and I to schedule a transformational healing session focused on her part in their family dynamic.
The day of Iris’s session brought forth much light and healing for her. She made contact with a lot of clarity around the root causes of her family’s dysfunction and revealed some of the projection of that family’s pain that had been put onto her sister’s daughter, Micki. One of the aspects to this projection came forth when Micki’s brother died “accidentally” some years earlier. He was greatly loved by all the family and seen as a bright Light in their midst. His sudden departure triggered a grief so big and a response that brought to the surface and magnified the family pain body which sought an outlet onto which to be poured and Micki seems to have been that outlet.
When I first heard to Micki, she was referred to as a troubled young woman, an embarrassment and shame for the family, Bi-polar and then pregnant with no partner, no stability and no means to take care of self and baby. This event seemed to really unite the family even more negatively toward Micki. According to Iris, all conversations were focused on the wrongness and disease of Micki’s situation and what “should” be done about “this situation”. Blame, negativity, anger, and disconnection were all swirling around the family circle.
Micki had made it known that she wanted a home birth with midwives. I heard that vision added fuel to the family fire. As time got closer to the birthing, things fell into place for Micki to have the birth she wanted.
In the session with Iris, she was given such a clear view into the family dynamic and Micki’s role in it. She was also shown how she, Iris was carrying some of the family pain body patterns. She was given beautiful insights as to how she could help move the family out of the mire that was keeping everybody divided and suffering and transform their dynamic into one of Love, compassion, forgiveness and awakening. Iris was also given directions for her role in Micki’s birth.
When Iris left 10 days ago, she left with her session notes and the lyrical synopsis I had produced for her encapsulating the essence of her session. When she got to Colorado, the only person she shared that document with was Micki, who received it with great emotional release.
Yesterday afternoon, 4/28/2010, on a day of rest and home focus for me, I received my first call from Micki. As Divine Mother would have it, the day before (the 27th) Iris had been moved to give Micki my phone number in case she would like to call a Kaua’i Auntie with birth experience.
Micki’s labor started earlier than she or anyone had anticipated it would. When she called me yesterday, she introduced herself and I could feel she was in active labor. Very quickly, I was joined with her and her baby in their “birthing bubble”. My connection was so strong, intuitively I was moved to pour forth songs, tones, insightful dialogue, etc. Micki and I just went deeper together. When she called she was frightened, overwhelmed and not feeling ready. After about an hour together on the phone, she was centered, relaxed and ready to eat some food. She had called Iris earlier and left a message about the labor. We got off the phone with me telling her I was home all day, would be holding a love space for her and her baby and family and she could call me if she felt like it.
I called Iris after getting off the phone to make sure she knew about the labor. I got her right off and she let me know she didn’t know what she should do. She was 5 hours away from Micki and it was 7pm. She was just leaving her last client’s house, she had been depressed since the previous day, hadn’t slept well the night before, slept in late which she never does and had planned to take care of herself by going home and to bed early. I told her there was no “should” here, that she would know what to do and she can ask for clarity within to her inner wisdom. She reflected doubts in her capacity in this regard but we left it at that.
Later yesterday afternoon, I got the 2nd call from Micki. Our time together was similar in the respect that she and I would tone together, I would sing and speak as moved or just be in the silence with her. What was different is that Micki was clearly coming up to a layer of the family pain body. She spoke in a different tone when in it and spoke somewhat self-destructively, disconnected from her heart, baby and self and questioned going further with the birth and life itself. I just let words and light pour through me and spoke bluntly about the dysfunctions of her family, what she was carrying of that, that she came in to help her family heal and that she could lay down that burden now but this was a choice point for her. She could let this birth open her heart and move her beyond her family’s pain body, she could join with her baby in this opportunity to be a healing force for herself and the family or she could close down her heart and choose otherwise (and the fullness thereof). We did some impromptu visualization and simple forgiveness intent. She came to the place of saying she wanted to let her heart be open and not close it again. She said something about a pain in her body that was suddenly gone and I piped in that she was doing it: she was clearing herself of the past and that she was really doing well!
Her energy had shifted and she was back in her heart. Somewhere in all this, I suddenly became conscious that I was in a very powerful spiral vortex of energy that my whole body was moving in. I remembered my Isa and made a conscious and grateful connection. I also realized that the energetic dynamic I was in resembled what we of the Sacred Birthing Birth Team had been taught. I could feel that the field of the spiral vortex was connected to and connecting me into Micki’s birth field.
This call ended after about an hour when the phone spontaneously disconnected. I was not moved to call back but had my dinner and brought my housemate and mutual friend to Iris, up to speed with what was going on.
I then called Iris. Somewhere in the mix of time and events this day, Iris had tried contacting me to let me know she was on her way to the birth. No longer tired, she was clear, connected and excited. I asked her to let Micki know I hadn’t hung up purposefully; that we had been disconnected and, again, I was available anytime while she birthed.
Sometime later, I thought of something I wanted to say to Iris to take with her to Micki and the family. So I called her. She was 2 blocks from Micki’s house. We spoke for those 2 blocks and then hung up.
Sometime later that night, I was watching a birth film and the phone rang. Iris’s voice said, “She’s asking for her Kaua’i Mama”. More singing and toning with Iris chiming in with song requests and peels of delightful laughter she was sharing with Micky and family. I could feel the love and healing growing in this birth field and all those present; Mother and baby choreographing the whole show!
Iris let me know she had heard from a couple of family members, who had held positions of disapproval and disconnect, being drawn inexplicably out of their stances and were now feeling called to be at the birth. An amazing dance was taking place!
By the sounds I was hearing, I could not tell whether the labor was progressing or in an eddy of unproductive surges. Sometimes Micki was close to the phone, as if holding it to her face as before and other times, the phone seemed to be on speaker and Micki was further away, with non-descript activities taking place. After more singing and just occasional supportive dialogue, Iris came on the phone and said they were letting me go for a while. All told, I was on the phone for 45 minutes to an hour that time. I was still palpably connected to the MommaBaby birth vortex.
I went to bed at 10PM. At around 2:20 AM, with the full moon pouring in my window, I got the last call. More singing, toning, words of support and laughter with sporadic sounds of activity and quiet. Not feeling to ask question like “what’s going on?”, I could only imagine when hearing water sounds that there were times when Micki was in the birthing pool.
Listening to Micki’s breathing and birth sounds/song, I questioned still whether progress was happening, but never spoke this aloud. My words were focused mainly on breathing baby down and opening and resting in between surges.
Sometime after 3AM, I would guess at least 3:30, Iris said quietly into the phone that Micki had just seen her baby’s head crowning in a mirror. A hug blast of light energy hit me hearing this! Such an ecstatic high! She was doing it and doing it so well! Iris also let me know that these were 8 people in the room, one on each limb and one at her head. This image, like an exquisite mandala or the sun with brilliant rays filled me with a knowing that the healing taking place in this family was immense and beyond my imagination.
More time and sounds and quiet and moon beams on me and the sun out in Colorado.
Then I hear, “the head and ears are out!” the energy so focused! More time, then the husky sound of baby I hear. Tears flowing, I’m just listening and feeling, talking to baby and filled with light! I figure baby was born around 4:10AM Hawaii time. Around 4:20AM I hear Iris ask Micki if she wants me to hang on or let go now? Micki gets on the phone and pours love and thanks to me. We share in the joy and wonder of this time together and she tells me I am part of her family now. She also tells me her baby is a boy..
I hang up the phone and blow out the candle that had been lit for this birth when Micki first made contact with me so many hours earlier. What a blessings! Thank you Divine Mother. I sleep now.